KEYS TO EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION BY PS PRAKICH

It is my privilege to be a part of the cross-cultural ministry in Hope Europe. It is truly an eye-opening experience. I cannot thank God enough for all of you. Your sacrifices for the Kingdom are exceptional.

I have learned valuable lessons over the last seven years. Let me share the lessons learnt on communication. Even though both my leaders and I trust each other and desire to give our all to God, conflicts can arise due to communication gaps. These communication gaps arise not only due to differences in cultures but also in personalities. As a leader whose effectiveness depends a lot on his or her communication skill, this lesson is worth considering.

Whenever the subject of communication is discussed, one might be easily led to concentrate on verbal communication such as speech or writing. In fact, non-verbal language also plays a huge part in every communication. This includes gestures, voice tone or eye contact, etc. They convey not only what the person thinks but feels.

People communicate for various purposes. Some intend to provide information. Some ask questions in order to acquire certain information. Others offer suggestions. The fact is we communicate all the time in one way or another. Even when we don’t want to communicate, we communicate, perhaps through our facial expression or even through silence.

In all forms of communication, every party involved in the communication process sends and receives messages. Do bear in mind that who we are as a person significantly influences the messages we send and receive. In other words, we communicate through our personality. However, there are no two people who are exactly the same. We are all unique. Because of that, each of us has our own way to deliver our messages.

On the other hand, every message sent to us will inevitably be interpreted through our mental lenses. These lenses are formed through the social process we go through in our lives, especially in our family, and this is known as worldview.

Do you remember last time you met a person who visited your church meeting for the first time? He seemed to be quiet and did not associate with others. You couldn’t help judging him right away. If you are a sociable person, you might assume that this quiet man was anti-social. Some of us would rather suppose he was quiet due to his shyness. If we happen to be a foreigner in the congregation and we used to experience feeling left out because we didn’t understand the language, our assumption might be that this person was a foreigner. Different people have different worldviews. This influences our way of seeing things.

Communication deconstructed

I have learned that every communication involves three factors, namely, spirit, substance and style. The way we handle these three elements will either enrich or hinder our communication. Unless we get them right, the communication we engage in can be terribly misleading and unpleasant. But if we manage to master them, not only accurate information will our audience receive, what they can acquire as well is good feeling. This applies to both the roles we play as the transmitter and the receiver.

Spirit

Jesus’s style of communication varied according to the type of crowd. One might be surprised by His seemingly harsh words to the Pharisees and the teachers of the Law. Oftentimes, He didn’t give them a direct answer when He was questioned, especially by those who plotted to trap Him.

What determined Jesus’s communication approach? Apparently, it was the spirit of those people. He never failed to discern the spirit of those He encountered.

Spirit has to do with intent, motivation and heart attitude behind the message. As God’s people, we have to ensure that our spirit is right and godly when we communicate. On the other hand, we have to discern the spirit of the other party.

Substance

Central to the communication process, substance is the information or message a person intends to convey. It can be delivered in spoken or written form. The communication process is not complete unless the message gets across to the receiver.

Style

Style of communication has to do with the way the communicators present their messages. Some people tend to be straightforward with their way of communication. They like to make their word clear, concise and to the point. Some are more subtle and diplomatic. While some prefer informal style, others like formal approach.

Style of communication can significantly influence the audience’s receptivity. This is attested by the fact that people like to watch TV advertisements that are interestingly presented regardless of the product quality. In the age of information, there is a lot of information out there. People tend to buy into the information that is well presented.

Sensitive messengers

Do you remember the last time you communicated but your listener received a message not intended? Both parties were frustrated.

Sometimes we send and receive unintended messages because of the inappropriate tone of voice and the unwise choice of words. This has a lot to do with style of communication.

Good communication definitely demands clarity and appealing presentation of the message. However, everyone has their own definition of a good communicator. Some people are attracted by a messenger who wraps up his or her words beautifully. In order to retrieve the entirety of the message, the audience must be capable of reading between the lines. Others may find this annoying because they can’t grasp what the messenger is attempting to convey. The message seems to be ambiguous. Some people tend to look at every single word used whereas some people do not bother at all and would rather focus on the main idea.

Sensitive to their worldview (what they think)

Paul was willing to be all kinds of people to win all kinds of people (1 Cor 9:19-23). He did it with a right heart attitude - wanting to win over people to Christ. While he was true to the Gospel, he strategically adapted his presentation to fit his audience.

When Paul preached the Gospel to the Jews, He did it in the light of the Law and the Old Testament. But when He brought the good news to the Greek, He involved the elements that were familiar to them. Instead of talking about the God of the Hebrews that would make Him a foreign God to them, Paul used the Greek poem that they were acquainted with as a point of departure to convey the message of the Most High God (Ac 17:22-31).

If we want to sell our idea, we need to understand the mind of our listeners. Convey our message in a way that they can easily grasp. Choose languages, symbols, stories that they can relate with. Our evangelism will be effective only if our audience can connect to it and the message doesn’t sound foreign to them.

Sensitive to their feelings (how they feel)

How often do our words sound harsh, judgmental or unloving, despite the fact that we are the opposite? We have to be sensitive to the feeling of our listeners.

Paul urged believers in Ephesus to speak the truth in love (Eph 4:15). This implies that people can speak the truth without love. The Word of God is a double-edged sword (Heb 4:12). You can use it either to construct or condemn. Oftentimes, the devil uses the truth to condemn us. We should speak the truth to edify the church.

One thing that we have to realise is we tend to assume that people expect us to communicate to them in the same manner as we would like them to communicate to us. For example, if we like people to communicate straightforwardly to us, we intuitively assume that everyone would prefer straightforward communication from us as well. However, that may not always be true.

Some people hold that they are not honest if they do not say things the way they like. I think that is not quite right. Honesty must be balanced with consideration. When we are honest, we want to be true to the message we want to deliver. We want to make sure that the facts are transmitted with total accuracy and without even a slight distortion. However, because we mean well to the person, we consider them. In other words, we do not only convey our message but also our heart and we do it in a way that the person can get it.

Objective audience

Oftentimes, when people listen, the first thing that most of them detect is style. While some are annoyed by over-politeness, many prefer polite communicators. It is true that we should learn to receive positive criticism for the sake of improvement but none of us enjoys being criticised all the time. How often do we fail to learn from others because we don’t like the way they teach, advise or comment?

Most of us don’t like to listen to people who sound judgmental. Though there are elements of truth in their words, we tend to overlook them if the speakers seem to be judgmental. However, the wise learn to extract the useful content and ignore the unpleasant presentation. They dig through the surface of the style and search for the substance underneath. On the other hand, some people cannot concentrate on the essence of the message because they are too disturbed by the unpleasant choice of words and nasty tone of voice.

Primacy of spirit

Solomon was approached by two women who claimed to be the mother of a baby (1 Ki 3:16-28). Only one of them could be the real mother and the other was lying. In order to find out the real mother, Solomon tested them and discerned their spirits. As he suggested that the baby be cut into two halves, one woman agreed with it while the other wanted to let go of the baby. Solomon knew right away who was the mother because her concern was about the survival of the baby rather than who would get it.

Elijah was one of the greatest prophets in the Old Testament. Yet he was not favoured by the evil queen, Jezebel, who gave him a life threat. Elijah was utterly disheartened and ran for his life (1 Ki 19:1-3). He even prayed for God to take his life (1 Ki 19:4). However, God overlooked his negativity and simply let him rest without even saying a word to him. God did not correct him. Why? I believe He could see Elijah’s heart. He knew that Elijah complained out of his exhaustion. Though the content of his speech was negative, his heart was far from evil. Let him rest a bit and he would be fine.

Some people are gifted speakers. They are amazingly articulate. Their magnetic presence always draws a huge crowd. People listen to them tirelessly. While we enjoy the talk, we should always remember to discern the motive. This is because what they say can be imbalanced or even deceptive and we need to be firm on our stand.

Peter warned the churches of the false teachers and false prophets among them (2 Pet. 2:1). John urged his readers not to believe everyone who claimed to have a message from God and that they need to test the spirit (1 Jn 4:1).

On the other hand, we should honour people with good spirit regardless of their proficiency in communication.

God brings diverse personalities into the church. Out of these diverse personalities, there are some of whom we can easily click with and some we are not naturally attracted to. In our leadership meeting, we welcome everyone to offer their suggestions or share their opinions. Certain individuals might say something that sounds unpleasant or even annoying. However, if the spirit behind their comments or suggestion is godly, we should not reject the person even though we may not agree with them. We might not embrace their idea, yet we should at least applaud their spirit.

Substance over style

Sometimes we are irritated by the style of communication that we discard the substance of the message. As a speaker, we should learn to present our message nicely and appropriately. On the contrary, as a listener, we should learn to be objective by looking beyond the presentation and focusing on the content.

Sometimes, when we listen to criticism, we may tend to defend ourselves. Our immediate reaction is to catch the incorrect information and to set the record straight in order to protect ourselves. If that is our focus, we will miss the opportunity to learn from others. The wise listen to correction because they want to improve (Prov 9:8-9). Next time when we receive any comment, remind ourselves to focus on what is relevant to us and learn to ignore the rest.

In the next page, you will find the tables that summarise my thought. In the first table, you will find my suggestions on how to be a good messenger when you evangelise or counsel a person. As per your role as a good audience, you may consult with the following three tables. They advise you how to work on the variety of the spirits, substance and styles in the three forms of communications.

My prayer is that all of us will be an effective leader who can communicate our heart lovingly and mind clearly to our team so that altogether we can maximise our lives for the Lord and His kingdom.

In Christ,
Prakich